OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
