My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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