I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need a beard to bite.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I did not marry a roomba.
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