i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
