eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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