Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
