he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
