Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
