mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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