one two three fourrrrnication!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
