I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
