she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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