Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
