Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
