Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Less talking, more tequila
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My feet surprised me
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