you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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