oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
