I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
