I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
