you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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