Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
