Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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