YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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