pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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