I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The power of my boobs compel you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
