I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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