Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
