honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
