I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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