If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
