Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
