paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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