I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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