There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
