You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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