He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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