i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
