Do you still have your period?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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