I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
