Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
