I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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