Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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