it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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