i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize