I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I met the friendliest cop last night
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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