Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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