you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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