It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
