he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
