Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
