the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
